AN INTRODUCTION TO SIR VALDEMAR REYNOLDS FOOL

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Acclaimed fantasy writer, Sir Valdemar Reynolds Fool, became a Knight of the Steam-Punk Garter in the year 2000  following services to the community  in the humane removal of Gerbil infestation from suits of armor.

Born in 1960 to Glaswegian Aristocrats living in  Easterhouse,  he never the less did not bathe until aged 14 as the servants kept the coal to heat their small mansion  in the bathtub.  Consequently he was known at school as 'Stinky the Snob' and  was bullied excessively. Wearing a top hat to St Middens didn't help either.

His cruel, indifferent and  sherry sodden parents passed away when he was 14, (Ya Dancer!)  both from lung cancer due to smoking 40 a day Senior Service Navy Cut and Park Drive.  After the funeral, he emptied the bath of coal, hosed himself down and has never looked back.

He turned to Fantasy writing  to keep himself from becoming too lonely and too loony  when the servants left  his pitiful pile after his father left him skint.  Banging like a mental muppet on his mothers old keyboard for 14 hours  a day left him with gangrene in all ten of his fingers,  and subsequently in 2014,  Boston Dynamics enrolled him in a Third Generation Cyborg Program reserved for Elite Aristocrats of  British Origin, (3C-PEA-OBO), and replaced his foul smelling fingers  with robot  digits. Valdemar can now type 12,000 words per minute and has to  replace his keyboards every two days. He is never the less very self conscious of these robotic advantages and wears leather gloves to cover up his embarrassment

Married to  Cicadas  Castrol Chesterfield  for 40 years, (you serve less time  or murder)  the couple never less lead separate lives, seeing each other only every 13 years, when she emerges Nymph like from her underground hideaway. (Madness runs in her family as well) Despite having only met four times in their life, they have five children together, their names being Superfluous,  Sicilian, Socrates, Sodit and Blue-Bottle. 

We are thrilled to have Valdemar as part of the writing  team for the Jingle & Ben Franchise. 

https://www.wikiprank.org/index.php?word=Valdemar+Reynolds+Fool&url=Science+Fiction+Writers+of+America 

 will be appearing in schools all over the United Kingdom.  Victoria has a FULL and up-to-date DBS check. 

YOU CAN BOOK VICTORIA & /OR HER CO-AUTHOR, PROF. VINNIE-RAY FARADAY HERE:

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