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AN INTRODUCTION TO SIR VALDEMAR REYNOLDS FOOL
AUTHOR OF 'JINGLE & BEN ' THE NEXT ADVENTURES-FOR 8-11 YEARS
Acclaimed fantasy writer, Sir Valdemar Reynolds Fool, became a Knight of the Steam-Punk Garter in the year 2000 following services to the community in the humane removal of Gerbil infestation from suits of armor.
Born in 1960 to Glaswegian Aristocrats living in Easterhouse, he never the less did not bathe until aged 14 as the servants kept the coal to heat their small mansion in the bathtub. Consequently, he was known at school as 'Stinky the Snob' and was bullied excessively. Wearing a top hat to St Middens didn't help either.
His cruel, indifferent and sherry sodden parents passed away when he was 14, (Ya Dancer!) both from lung cancer due to smoking 40 a day Senior Service Navy Cut and Park Drive. After the funeral, he emptied the bath of coal, hosed himself down and has never looked back.
He turned to Fantasy writing to keep himself from becoming too lonely and too loony when the servants left his pitiful pile after his father left him skint. Whilst trying to learn to play the piano and banging like a mental muppet on his mothers old keyboard for 14 hours a day he developed gangrene in all ten of his fingers, and subsequently in 2014, Boston Dynamics enrolled him in a Third Generation Cyborg Program reserved for Elite Aristocrats of British Origin, (3C-PEA-OBO), and replaced his foul smelling fingers with robot digits. Valdemar can now type 12,000 words per minute and has to replace his keyboards every two days. He is never the less very self conscious of these robotic advantages and wears leather gloves to cover up his embarrassment
Married to Cicadas Castrol Chesterfield for 40 years, (you serve less time for murder) the couple never less lead separate lives, seeing each other only every 13 years, when she emerges Nymph like from her underground hideaway. (Madness runs in her family as well.) Despite having only met four times in their life, they have five children together, their names being Superfluous, Sicilian, Socrates, Sodit and Blue-Bottle.
We are thrilled to have Valdemar as part of the writing team for the Jingle & Ben Franchise.
SIR VALDEMAR REYNOLDS FOOL
will be appearing in schools all over the United Kingdom. Victoria has a FULL and up-to-date DBS check.
YOU CAN BOOK VALDEMAR & HIS CO-AUTHORS HERE:
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